The Burning Question

That's right, Little Mango 1 has reached that age in life where that question comes out which I was so worried about answering; you know the one a father frets over since the moment his son is born, we knew that one day the discussion would have to happen and you, as the father, would have to deliver the answer. It's not easy for any of us to think about, let alone consider explaining, but as part of life, it needs detailed explanation. And the way he came out and asked was so left of field, so gentle, so off the cuff, like he had been thinking about it for a long time and just needed to ask. The little inquisitive look in his eye, excitement mixed with a built of guilt, like he shouldn't be asking. But I couldn't let it get to me, I stepped back whilst sitting and considered his ever-growing, ever-learning form. I suppose it was his time to know these things, besides what could I do when the apple of your eye is asking you something of such great importance, with such great expectation?

With a heavy breath and pursed lips, a wise look that I decided I should probably have, I nodded with agreement of the need for the question.

'What did you say?' was the way I found to answer (just to check I heard him right).

'Dad....?' he said again, in a slightly more confident voice, 'What is the big bang theory?'

Wow. Okay. Here we go.

See, as far I'm concerned, this question is one of the most important a child can ask – he's basically saying, 'how did it all begin?' And that's a pretty big thing to ask. In a diplomatic way I explained that it was the most accurate theory we had, brought to us by the smartest people in the world over the last century, to collate the best evidence we have to date about the beginning of the universe. Basically, a big explosion. I think to go into any more detail would probably be a bit much for a six-year-old. I said nobody actually knows for certain exactly how the beginning happened, but this is the best idea we have at the moment based on the most current scientific evidence. I then followed it up by saying that whatever beliefs he comes to have in this world about life and other things, they must make room for these things that are almost certain. I do not accept any religion that ignores what is right in front of them and neither should he, and this is the only (perhaps some will say misguided) theology I will force upon him. The rest he can decide for himself, as everyone is free to do. But maths is maths, fact is fact, and truth is what truth always is – the best interpretation of the evidence that we have at hand and which we have the capacity to interpret. We cannot accept science in one hand while we're hoping they will find a cure for cancer, or build reliable electronics, and then reject them when it comes to something as massive as the beginning of the universe.

As I said in earlier posts, my Little Mangos will be good at arguing by the time it comes to RE.

Not that I want to take anyone's beliefs off them, far from it. I think our culture is as diverse as it is thanks to a wide display of differing beliefs, which is a good thing. And I think if you choose to believe something then you should believe it with your whole heart, learn and be able to take criticism, even put up a good argument and be happy to do it. That's the problem with religion, everyone's so damn touchy about it. If you were really happy and sure about what you believe, then you should be able to argue it down to the ground. If you can't, then you should probably just put arms up and go 'I don't know'. In fact that's really the best way to be as far as I see it – I think religion is all about finding absolute answers, when it can't be done (especially if you're ignoring all the evidence) – really we should be encouraging and embracing the unknown. It's much better to be unsure what you believe than so absolutely, fundamentally sure that you can never be proven otherwise.

A great example of this is a Jewish person I was having a conversation with over dinner once. Now I haven't known many Jewish people in my life, but I have learnt a fair bit about their beliefs and was asking her about hers. She said she knew that eventually she would settle down and marry a Jewish man. I asked her why and she said because it was just easier. I was dumbfounded. If family life has taught me anything, it's that life isn't easy, and to expect for it to be is ludicrous. The other problem I have with religion is that it denies us the concept of how precious our time on earth is because it offers something better afterwards. I see little room in this equation for happiness, and I thought that was what we were all actually seeking. So I asked her was it because she really believed that she would be happier with a Jewish man (which I probably would have accepted) but she said it was because of her family, that it would just be easier. I shook my head. I couldn't believe that someone could willingly commit themselves to a life they didn't themselves believe to be right or true or good. It was just this niggling thing that was on her shoulder, sat their by her parents and grandparents, who had the same done to them, with no purpose. Perhaps that was just my perception, but I hoped that she would find happiness with what she had decided because it seemed to be a viewpoint that cut an entire world off.

I never want to force any of my kids into the same boat. To have them unsure if they're doing what they are doing because it is something that they truly want, or if it's something that I secretly want. If Little Mango 1 came to me one day and said he was going to be christened, or that he likes Buddha's style, or that he was go and shave his head, turn Hare Krishna (at least the vegetarian food would be good), I'd accept it as long as he was happy. I want to give him to ability to argue so when the time comes, he can make a decision based on an intelligent argument, based on the best evidence we have at the time and how he feels, and not because of something passed down to him like a toxic genetic disorder. As parents, our job is to teach them about the world and how to find their place within it, so that they can have comfort and happiness in even the most stressful times of their lives. Otherwise, if we encourage them to struggle and hate their lives for something that we believe, to battle their entire lives without ever finding what they would consider in their own minds as true happiness, in the hope that something wonderful is coming at the end, and it doesn't..... then what a waste of life.